Hard times
by Getinfected
Summary: Jesse has a rough time getting over Rachel, he gets addicted to alcohol and drugs, until the day he bumps into her at a bar and they become friends. Story better than summary, believe me: suck at summaries! One-shot.


**This is a very long one-shot, just an idea that popped into my head the other day and i just had to write it! I hope you like, enjoy reading!**

**Disclaimer: i do not own Jesse, nor Rachel.**

**Jesse has a rough time getting over Rachel, he ends up with alcohol and drugs, until the day he bumps into her at a bar and they become friends.  
>Story better than summary, believe me: I suck at summaries! Ratings are between T and M; I don't really know which one, since the drug thing isn't really described in detail. <strong>

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><p>Okay, so this is what happened. Jesse and Rachel reconnected after they bumped into each other at a small bar in New York, and Jesse could make Rachel agree to hearing him out. He told her about Shelby, about how she wanted him to <em>befriend<em> her daughter, this being Rachel, but when he met her in the music store, he forgot about the befriending and wanted more: he went for the _seducing,_ given that he totally craved her sweat sweaters and short skirts.

He told her that he didn't expect it to go that far, that he didn't thought his team mates would force him into egging her after the painful 'Another one bites the dust' -performance. He told her that he was sorry, and spend nights lying awake after the incident, 'cause every time he closed his eyes, her eyes filled the black screen, his angry and forced look reflecting in them, reflecting in the tears invading her big brown eyes.

But there were a few things he choose to leave out. Like for instance how he really, truly loved her and still did, even when he hadn't seen her in what seemed like 20 years to him (and to her too, but like she was ever going to admit that) and how his heart broke together with the egg. How tears welled up in his eyes as he looked in his rearview mirror and saw her, standing rock, surrounded by eggshells, tears pouring down her cheeks. He didn't tell her how he wanted to jump out of the car and run to her, to envelope her small body in his arms, whispering I'm so sorry's in her ear.

He didn't tell her that when he arrived in Los Angeles he was a complete wreck, -not a lot of people noticed, since he was a born actor who had an amazingly convincing showface. He didn't tell her that he partied and got drunk each night there, because it was the only thing that could set his mind of her. (He, luckily for him, wasn't the kind of person that got hangovers, so he easily went to school the next day without any of his teachers noticing a thing.)

He didn't tell her that he got different girls almost each night, who were just dying to share the bed with him –That was something that certainly hadn't changed since highschool: he was still the popular guy, that could get all the girls without asking.

After his second year in LA, he decided to transfer, to New York. He transferred to Juliard and easily resumed his studies.

He didn't tell her that at one point, drinking didn't help anymore, that he sort of got immune for it and that he had to try something else: witch got him into drugs.

In the second half of his third year, he didn't party that much anymore and didn't meet any women anymore, since he needed more time to focus on school and in New York they were way more strict that in LA, so if they noticed: he wouldn't even get a warning. But the drug thing went on.

His parents were way too busy to even notice his transfer, so they also were totally oblivious to the fact that their son was having an intensive drug addiction and took money for it from their account. (Not that it mattered so much, Jesse's family was super rich.)

But his school wasn't the only thing that was paying more attention to him than in LA, he also made new friends, better friends. They noticed there was something going on, and searched his apartment while he was at school one day, where the drugs were waiting for them on the kitchen counter.

He didn't tell her that they forced him into rehab, or at least something that would help him, in the hope he got better. But he wouldn't listen to them. After a few months of whining, they eventually gave up, but they did control him more. They would sleep over, or stand at his door uninvited: anything to keep an eye on him, so that nothing happened to him while he was alone.

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><p>And that's where Rachel came back in the picture. Jesse was going out with his friends, since he was feeling a lot better and not so craving after the pills, (the feeling that people actually cared about him and wanted him to be okay, something he hadn't experienced since his break-up with Rachel, helped him in that area) when he bumped in to the girl that got him into this mess.<p>

And then, from the moment she smiled at him after his speech about letting the past rest and giving him another chance, even if it was only as a friend, he decide- no, he swore to himself to throw the drugs out the door.

"I'd like that, the friend thing." She said, a smile stretched across her face.

"Me too." He replied as the weight of 5 years fell of his shoulders and he felt lie he could breathe again.

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><p>Once his friends had noticed he was talking to a woman, they spied on him over their Bacardi's, gossiping like women over who she was, and more important: why she made him smile like they never saw him smile before (he didn't smile that much actually) or why his face lit up like that as he was talking to her.<p>

"Maybe she's a stripper and he's horny" One of them suggested.

"No," Dylan, Jesse's best friend, shrugged the other idea off, "there's more. He loves her."

"I'm with Dylan on this one." Tom said.

"Me too." Alex agreed.

"But you have to agree, she's smoking hot!" Tony defended his idea, earning some yeah's and nods from his friends.

"Guys, there he comes, pretend to be busy!" Dylan exclaimed once he saw Jesse hugging the woman and making his way over to them, his smile now turned into a huge grin.

"Hey guys!" Jesse said, stopping in front of them, noticing how they were all or playing on their Blackberries, or drinking from their glass, or just.. looking around.

Tom was the first one to reply: "Hey Jesse!"

"Reeeeaally subtile guys." Jesse laughed as he sat down at the round table.

"Who is she? And why does she make you smile like that?" Dylan curiously asked.

"Well.. she's a.. _woman_." Jesse said teasingly.

"Jesse, c'mon, spill it!"

"Okay, okay. Her name is Rachel, and I uhm.. I used to date her in highschool."

"Doesn't explain the smiling part."

"Well, our breakup was kinda.. nasty. And I have to admit, after all those years, she still makes my palms sweat."

"Woooow. Wait a second." Dylan interfered. "Jesse St. James's palms can _sweat_?"

"So dude, what happened?" Tony asked.

And so the night went by, the guys digging in Jesse's past, asking him everything and earning surprisingly honest answers, even Jesse was surprised.

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><p>Jesse and Rachel texted a lot from that night on, they would even have lunch sometimes or go walking in the park after one of them preformed. (Jesse was in Spring awakening, Rachel in Wicked.) They skyped, they called, actually; they had a lot of contact. And they both had to admit: they liked it.<p>

They became good friends. Best friends even. His friends used to tease him: "You love heeeeer!" where Jesse would reply to with a comment such as: "Real mature guys."  
>or "Shut up."But inside, he knew they were right. Plus, they weren't dumb, they'd surely notice he stayed away from the drugs ever since he got in touch with her again and got friends with her. But he just didn't need the drugs anymore, his craving after the cocaine had magically disappeared.<p>

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><p>A few months later, Rachel rang Jesse's door after he just came out of the shower. As he opened the door, he found her face was flushed and her eyes were red and puffy: There was something wrong.<p>

"Rachel? What's wrong?" He asked, his voice drowning in anxiety.

"I don't know where to go Jess, they kicked me out of my apartment…" She whispered, and he pulled her into a hug, pressing a kiss into her hair.

"Shhh, it's gonna be okay."

"No. It's not. I have nowhere to go, you know how hard it is to find a reasonable apartment in New York!" She argued.

"You can live with me?" He hopefully suggested.

"Really?" She asked, letting him go and taking a step backwards so she could see his gorgeous face.

"Really." He smiled.

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><p>And from then on, Rachel and Jesse were roommates. It went pretty well, despite some awkwardness sometimes: Jesse would forget she lived there too for a second and enter the bathroom without knocking (where she would be dressing and be just in time to pull her bra on, or where she would be rubbing in her body lotion –something that made him feel really hot.) But they made a good team in the household.<p>

Sometimes, it was really hard for Jesse to ignore his urges and feelings, or keep himself from fantasying about her or fantasying about his fantasies coming true. It was difficult not to spin her around and kiss her by surprise when she was doing the dishes or to let his eyes wander over to her lips or breasts when they were having Chinese. He missed her, more than anything. He missed kissing her or holding her, he missed watching old, cheesy love movies at Friday nights and falling asleep with her already sleeping on his chest.

It was hard for her too though. She still loved him more than anything in the world.

One night, Jesse couldn't hold it in anymore. He was going through some photo's of his senior year at Carmel and found one of him and Rachel at the wiggles concert on their first date. He smiled as he looked at it, and put it aside to show to Rachel. Digging deeper, he found 3 photo's from a photo booth. At the first one they were just smiling nicely into the camera. At the second one they put on some weird, goofy face and at the third one, they were kissing.

He looked at the picture, and ran a finger over it. He would do anything to go back, tell Shelby he backed out and tell Rachel the truth, in the hope she would forgive him.

Now it was too late: there was no way she'd even consider getting back together with him, after he broke her heart like that. But at least she wanted to be friends, that way he could look out for her and make sure she ended up with the right guy.

He heard a door slamming and stood up, walking into the living room. She was surprised to see him walking around in the living room, it was 3am, normally he was already asleep. "Jesse?" Rachel asked. "Are you still awake?"

"I wanted to wait for you." He answered, following his intuition and walking up to her.

"Why?" She asked another question, she could feel the tension in the air.

"Because." He whispered, his face now barely one inch away from hers, his warm, hot breath caressing her lips.

And then she lend forward. Pressing her lips to his, she felt him shudder at first, but quickly return the kiss. He responded by letting his tongue caress her soft and peachy lips that he had been dying to kiss for many, many years. She opened her lips just a millimeter, but he already pushed his tongue in, which was now gently playing with hers.

She pushed him into his bedroom, never taking her lips of his and unbuttoning his shirt fiercely. As she pulled it off, he deepened the kiss by grabbing her by her ass and pulling her closer to him. She could feel his arousal pressing against her, making her underwear even more wet than it already was.

Her hands caressed his abs as he unzipped her dress slowly, until it fell to the ground. He backed away from the kiss to check her body, the beautiful body that was hers. Her red lace bra and matching panties made his arousal even stronger, and he felt had to go inside of the body standing in front of him, he just had to.

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><p>It was the best night of their lives, a night filled with moans and whispers, a night filled with pure pleasure and unconditional love.<p>

But the next morning, when Jesse woke up and saw Rachel lying next to him, he freaked.

_What if she was drunk? What if she thinks it was all just a mistake? What if our friendship shatters because I couldn't keep myself in line? _

And after a long shower, he decided to pretend like nothing happened: he was sure she was drunk, I mean, ladies night out is just a free translation of night filled alcohol, right?

Little did he know that their _friendship_ didn't shatter, but _her heart_ did when she woke up, padded to the kitchen and he pretended like the previous night never even took place. _He just used me. S_he thought.

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><p>The next week had been torture. For both of them. Jesse was behaving like a real jackass, and when he stormed out after the what seemed like the hundredth fight that week, she couldn't leave it like that.<p>

"Jesse!" Rachel exclaimed as she entered his bedroom. "What's wrong with you? You've been behaving so unlike you lately, and I don't like it!"

He shrugged. "I'm just not in a good mood Rachel, okay?"

"No, not okay." She shook her head. "That doesn't explain your rudeness and arrogance lately, you've never been like this!"

"I don't know why I'm being this way, I just…" He said, and sighted deeply.

"You just?"

"Nothing."

"Just tell me what you fucking problem is Jesse!"

He chuckled before adding: "You really want to know Rach? You honestly want to know?"

"Yes; as a matter of fact, I do."

"Okay then." He replied, "I love you. I love your smile, I love your hair, I love your laugh, I love your nails, I love your scent, I love your voice, I love your fingers, I love your toes, I love your lips, I love the way you dress, I love the way you walk, I love the little freckles you get in summer, I love how hot you are when you're yelling at me, I just love you, okay? That's my _fucking_ problem. Happy now?"

He swirled around, so that now his back was facing her and hit the wall with his fist. He couldn't dare to look into her eyes right now, when she was about to tell him he had no chance. "You- you loved me?"

"Yes Rachel, I do." He said, and turned back around. "And I just.. I don't know how to behave around you anymore since that night last week.. 'cause the possibility that you don't love me back, that you were just drunk and it was all a mistake to you, sucks. Because to me, it wasn't a mistake. I ca- I can't do this anymore Rachel, this friends thing, it's killing me.  
>Living with you, constantly having to try to ignore the smell of your hair or how delicious your lips look when we're sitting in the sofa or doing.. anything, I just.. I need more than looking at you Rachel; and that night made me remember how much I actually miss not being able to hug or kiss you whenever I want; I want to call you babe, or baby or.. or sweetie. I want you to be mine, forever.<br>And.. I'd rather not have you around that being tortured all day long and maybe have sex once in a while cause you're drunk and don't know what you're doing, I realize now."

"And, what if I told you I wasn't drunk last week?" she asked, biting her bottom lip, which made him feel totally hot and uncomfortable at the same time.

"what?"

"I only drank one glass of wine, Jesse."

"So.. you weren't drunk?"

"Jesse," Rachel sighted. "I loved you." He dropped his head and pierced his eyes into the ground. "And I still do." His head went up again, his eyes wide open with amazement as she continued. "Who said I ever stopped? I tried to forget you, to stop it, to stop loving you. But I couldn't. So instead, I tried to hide it from you, or else you'd just break my heart all over again. But yet, even when you're fully oblivious to the fact that I never succeeded in getting over you, you still manage to break it again, by pretending it didn't happen and making me believe it was all a mistake…" Rachel felt tears welling up in her eyes, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop them.

"It never wanted to though.." he whispered as he came standing right in front of her.

"Well, you still did." She said, tears now rolling down her cheeks, making his mind shoot back to that day in June, 2010. And now he finally did what he actually had to do then: he hugged her.

He enveloped her in his strong arms, and whispered in her hair: "Rach… please don't cry…" He felt tears welling up in his eyes too, and continued with a watery voice: "Please, I'm so sorry…"

"I know." She replied softly.

After a few minutes of close hugging, he straightened his back and cleared his throat. "So.. If I love you and you love me, do you think we could try it again? You know, the relationship thing?"

"But what if it goes wrong?" She asked.

"Well, I'll make sure that doesn't happen, and if it does; I'll do anything to convince you to try it again. And again. And again, if I have to. Cause I can't imagine life without you Rachel Berry."

"Me neither, Jesse St. James." She smiled.

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><p><strong>Wohooow, this was it! It's probably the longest chapter I've ever written. I worked really hard on this, so I'd love some reviews! <strong>  
><strong>Given that this is a one-shot, and there won't be a chapter two, I'd might make a sequel (Rachel finds out the drug thing, some fluff etc.) BUT that's only if I get a lot of reviews here! <strong>

**Thank you for reading! ~Oh, and for the people who're following my stories, working on them today! **

**Love, Hach.**


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